The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson

I had heard so much about this book but for a little while I was sceptical because it was almost *too* good to be true. The truth is, I didn’t believe in Manson and I am sorry for that because this book is absolutely fantastic. All the chapters are equally valuable and I find it difficult to choose which is my favourite! The basic scope of this book is to teach you to detach yourself from everything and attach yourself to what is truly important (to us). We cannot be attached to everything because that causes us unnecessary suffering but also because it teaches us to be a master of nothing, to have no passions and to, essentially, have no real personality.

Chapter by chapter Manson teaches us values that are important for our mental wellbeing. I particularly enjoyed ‘You Are Not Special’ because it reminded me just that. Often when you are surrounded by troubling times, you tend to believe that you are the ONLY person going through whatever you are going through. However, everything you are going through now, someone else has most likely been through it as well so you are never alone. I found this humbling because sometimes, when I am particularly sad, I tend to victimise myself and feel really really sorry for myself. Although I know that I am extremely lucky, there are some moments in which I catch myself thinking 'why must I suffer like this?' or 'what could I have done to deserve this?' - usually followed by 'I definitely don't deserve this!'. But the reality is, is that sometimes it just isn't your fault, however what is your fault/responsibility is HOW you react to it. If you remember that you are not the first to go through, for example, a painful breakup and you will certainly not be the last, it makes the weight easier to bear and to then overcome. I also believe that by you remembering that you are not the only one, you also cannot victimise yourself. This is what I learnt from this chapter and I am happy that I did. I will definitely try to keep this in mind for 2019!

Another chapter which I particularly related to was ‘The Value of Suffering’. To see the positive in suffering is a tough lesson to learn but it is extremely valuable. I also felt humbled whilst reading this chapter because of the way I grew up. I never had to wait for anything, wish for anything or feel much desire; if I wanted it, I got it pretty quickly. I am extremely grateful for the life that I have happened to be born into, however sometimes it can be hard to stay grounded and realise that not everything has to come immediately or come at all. I can use the example of my application for a graduate scheme recently. I didn’t even get past the first stage! I admit it, it definitely sucked to be told you are not what they wanted but as a result I am now applying for Master’s programmes, so there is definitely a positive in every outcome! In any case, I used this example because the suffering of rejection led me to apply to a Master’s degree and also made me realise that my resilience was quite low. From suffering we learn vital things about ourselves and about life in general. From suffering and failure, that is where we learn what our true passions are and what we believe is worth fighting for.

The last chapter ‘…And Then You Die’ hit me particularly hard. Here, Manson talks about the experience of the death of a close friend and how it affected him. I found his words kind and hopeful and pleasantly read how he overcame the death of a loved one. The death of his friend inspired him to change his life around completely, whilst accepting that death is inevitable. Personally, I believe that I am at peace with the concept of my own death, however, less so with that of those around me. I may have been fortunate with money but not so much with health in my family. Therefore, I have many experiences which I could recount now – but I won’t (don’t worry, no sob story for you today) – about all those moments of stress when a family member becomes gravely sick. The stress is also heightened for me because I have no family in the UK with me as they are all several hours away, which only makes the feeling of helplessness and despair even worse. I believe that this chapter helped me accept the inevitability of everybody’s death, no matter how close they are to you and no matter how immortal they may seem to you. By immortal I mean the people who have always been by your side since birth and that you simply cannot imagine a life without them because there never has been a life without them.

Finally, I want to close this review by saying this: Manson makes you realise that you are in charge of your life, your decisions, your outcomes and your destiny. If you want something you can get it but if you don’t then you won’t. He doesn’t sell you any false hopes or dreams and his realism is humbling, even inspiring. So, for the new year to come, I would highly recommend this book to anyone and perhaps you will find the new year’s resolutions you really need. No silly diet plans or unrealistic gym goals, simply a new way to look at life and its strange and wonderful events. I hope this book helps you as much as it helped me, whilst also making me laugh hysterically at times. I almost forgot to mention that this book is HILARIOUS! Manson’s sense of humour is extraordinarily sarcastic and deadpan ( as you could probably tell from the title of the book and, thereafter, its chapters). It really gave the book a certain light-heartedness, even when he spoke about some deep and difficult topics.

Please go ahead and read this book and let me know what you think! Did it help you? Did you learn anything? Did you hate it? Please let me know here or on any of my social medias!